The Anger of Recognition

Thursday, August 11, 2011

This morning I am feeling incredibly snarky!  Anger!  Wow!  After much journaling in which I allowed myself to write what I was feeling while observing the “voices,” I finally came to the conclusion that this is part of releasing my old core belief.  There is recognition - at a level which is barely making its way into my consciousness – of the insidious webbing attached to my sense of responsibility for the wellbeing of others.  I am just getting a glimpse of the finger-like projections and strongholds affecting all areas of my life.  I am allowing myself to experience the anger with detachment and observation.  I have a feeling this may go on for awhile until the belief is released, transformed or ignored.

I also sense that the core belief I am releasing is not mine alone so I will share my experience through a couple of “visuals” which pretty well describe my recognitions this morning…. 

Visual #1:  Imagine you are sitting out on your patio on a sunny morning…the birds are singing…there’s a nice cool breeze…it’s peaceful… you are making your list for the day which includes the use of your gifts and talents in doing the things that make you “sing” while at the same time benefiting others.  Suddenly, someone barges onto the patio and shoves his list in your face and storms away.  You stare in disbelief …and then another person enters the patio and slams her list on the table.  As you can imagine, it doesn’t take long before your list is forgotten – along with all the wonderful things you had to offer. 

Visual #2:  Imagine that you are attempting to build a “vehicle” that would benefit everyone around you.  It would take every individual where they wanted to go.  Yet you can’t complete the project because those who would benefit from its completion keep running in and stealing your tools, tires and parts!  At some point, you become exhausted and realize you are in the wrong place!

I’m sure there are many of you who can relate to these scenarios.  I sense that I am just waking up to the fact that this is how I have spent my life to this point (which explains the frustration and anger).  I really thought that attempting to fulfill the “lists” of others was the right thing to do…the Christian thing to do.  Now, I am realizing that I was unconsciously controlled by a sense of responsibility for the wellbeing and happiness of others (which never ends) while ignoring my own!  I put that which I have to offer on the back burner.   This is going to take some recalibrating - healthy boundaries with a conscious awareness of my happiness as guided by my higher consciousness. 

I’m sure there will be more to share regarding this process as it unfolds and I have a feeling I am going to be shocked at the depth of which my life has centered on this enormous “cord.”  I am also getting a “hit” in regard to the freedom I will experience when I have fully recognized and released any attachment to this outdated belief.  Today, I go to work with a little more awareness and will do my best to keep my anger to myself!

As always, thanks for your good wishes!

Much love,

Karrie