Day 5: Grace Cathedral

Friday, July 01, 2011

Labyrinth #5:  Grace Cathedral – San Francisco

I just have to say, I AM POOPED!  Though this has been an incredible journey, my body can’t take much more of this rumbling, rippling and rocking!  Today, I drove over the Bay Bridge and into San Francisco to visit the super-fantastic Grace Cathedral.  If you ever have the opportunity, it’s a must-see and a must-experience.  The Cathedral has two Chartres-sized labyrinths – one inside the main entrance of the church and one outside in a front “patio” area.

The Cathedral is gargantuan with several vestibules.  I could hear “ministers” leading prayers at different times in varying parts of the church.  The stained glass windows are incredibly beautiful and engraved with messages and stories.  My favorite is a clandestine meeting of St. Francis and Claire.  I decided to walk the labyrinth inside the Cathedral.  My timing was excellent as I was able to experience the walk without much interruption. 

As per most of my walks, I opened the labyrinth, set my intent and began the path.  I could hear the Lord’s Prayer being recited by a small group in one of the vestibules.  In my own mind, “Forgiveness” was already beginning to percolate.  Doubt and Trust were coming up big as I moved along the path.  I heard myself asking for forgiveness for all my anger, doubt and lack of trust in what I know to be true.  I concentrated on what I felt regarding the labyrinth itself.  Immediately, I saw and felt gold.  The pathway turned to a deep plush crimson carpet lined with gold.  In my mind’s eye, I kept seeing a crown and the path felt like the walkway to a coronation.

When I reached the center, I spent time in each petal as per my ritualistic routine.  Faith…Surrender…Service…Abundance…Forgiveness… I spent quite awhile in the fifth petal before moving on.   I heard “Are you ready to forgive yourself, Karrie?”  I could feel the depth at which the question entered me.  (The tears are coming now as I’m writing.)  I now realize that part of me was “shocked” by the question.  The question was like an arrow from the Universe which upon impact instantaneously planted a more truthful perspective which woke part of me up like a bucket of ice water!  At some deeper level I caught the true meaning underlying the question.  I was the one that held the key to freedom.  I was the one who held the key to the dungeon door – the dungeon of punishment, wrath and merciless judgment.  And I was the one who held the gift of Forgiveness.    Though I had understood this concept at a “head” level, it was evident that I hadn’t truly known it at the core of my being until this moment.  I recognized a part of me that had been harboring some outdated dogma that basically brainwashed me into feeling unworthy and undeserving  - like I had “missed the mark” and was a disgrace.  But in this one infinitesimal moment, I felt this “data” disintegrate…..“Are you ready to forgive yourself, Karrie?”  Wow… I knew this experience had affected me deeply and I probably wouldn’t understand the full ramifications until later.

I moved through the final petal quickly and sat down in the center of the labyrinth (LOVE).  I took a couple of deep breaths just to enjoy where I was sitting.  It was then that I heard, “Golden Starlight of the Heavens, are you ready to take back your heart and your crown?”  I “saw’ a huge diamond representing my heart and a golden crown with rubies and diamonds which I knew represented my crown chakra.  Once again, I was shocked and deeply moved.  The feeling in the moment was like the “prodigal son returning home” – not to wrath and punishment but to love and celebration.  Again at a much deeper level, I realized that I was the one who pushed these deep feeling and sensing parts of me aside.  I had closed them off due to doubt, lack of trust and the fear of being wrong as well as hurt.  These aspects had been “kept” for me until I was ready to take them back – until I could Forgive myself.  Amazing.

I walked out of the labyrinth in a state of awe.  (I think my mouth may have been hanging open!)  I felt a familiar pang of doubt and “this is ridiculous” but I quickly shut it down.  I will no longer entertain such nonsense.  I have been incredibly unhappy because I refused to take a stand in what I know to be true.  I refused to trust my own knowings because what I knew wasn’t reflected in my everyday life.  The façade was too strong and firmly embedded.  Those days are done.

I love you,

Karrie